Be Assertive – Victims complain

Posted on May 6, 2012. Filed under: Professionalism | Tags: , , , , |

Be AssertiveVictims complain

Assertiveness is an aspect of communication skill which is more than often mistaken for attitude and behavior. Although all communication aspects (like confidence & assertiveness) are outcome of our own behavior; assertiveness is a communication skill reflecting one’s own attitudes.

You pay for non-assertiveness for a long time but assertiveness pays immediately!!! Assertiveness is a very essential trait; every one of us must possess and practice.

Lets understand how, why and when of assertiveness. When you feel clobbered by your own emotions resulting into feeling ‘victimized’ – make sure you need to be assertive. When you don’t assert, you are taken for granted – with your consent. Then, instead of facing the person and communicating assertively, we tend to take the easier route – feel victimized.

Drill these two things in mind for Assertiveness:

  1. Assertiveness is needed not only in relations where the other person is in the commanding position like your boss, our elders and others. But in every relation so that you are not taken for granted by anybody and this gives a big boost to your self esteem.
  2. The other person is NOT taking advantage of you, you are letting him!!! Because of your non-assertiveness. If you ‘think – the person is taking advantage of you’ or ‘you feel are being victimized’ – STOP blaming the other person because you’ve given the consent.

Feeling victimized is a very easy and luring option for any situation and relationship. Because when you ‘feel’ victimized, you anticipate empathy and hence your ‘attention seeking’ craving is satiated. But you pay a very high price later by falling prey to this insignificant craving and temporary satiation. Assertiveness is not being aggressive but standing for your own self (esteem) and demanding what you deserve.

We perceive assertiveness to be very hard to be practiced. This is because we’ve already taken the back seat of ‘being a victim’.

Another crucial aspect where passive people fail is ‘assumption’. Passive people ‘assume’ that the other person must ‘understand’. This thought itself is self-contradictory, because if that person would’ve ‘understood’ he/she wouldn’t have taken you for granted. But still you are taken for granted, because you let them!!!

We more often than not have mistaken assertiveness for aggression. Assertiveness is a balance between passiveness (non-assertiveness) and aggressiveness. Assertiveness is practiced by following 5 C’s:

Coolness: Be calm and cool. Do not lose your temper because the other person is taking you for granted. Because that person is behaving in a certain manner that is not acceptable to you.

Consider: Consider other persons point of view. Evaluate if you need to change something in you that is the result of such behavior of the concerned person. Check whether the person is really taking you for granted.

Communicate: Practicing above two points, communicate in an affirmative tone so that the person is not offended at the same time give the message that you are speaking for what you deserve. And you deserve to be respected and not taken for granted.

Clarify: Communicate to clarify that you cannot be taken for granted and henceforth you need to be treated with respect. Just clarify that you’ll not be taking the earlier treatment and you’ll be standing up for what you deserve.

Consequences: Be ready for the consequences. Sometimes if you’ve been passive for too long, the person might be taken aback with this sudden change. In such cases, you must be mentally prepared and be ready for it, because it for your own self-esteem.

Be Assertive and watch you Self-Esteem and in turn Self-Confidence go Sky High!!!

Assertiveness is not what you do, it’s who you are! – Shakti Gawain

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