Archive for February, 2012

Self Confidence Decoded

Posted on February 11, 2012. Filed under: Uncategorized |

Self Confidence Decoded


Dictionary meaning of Self-confidence says – it says freedom from doubt and belief in yourself & your abilities. This doubt, generally prevalent; pertains to the doubts individual has about one’s own abilities reflecting in individuals confidence levels.

For boosting self confidence we have many self help books, ‘what is self esteem’ and ‘how to be confident’ audio – videos but all help to a certain extent which does not serve our purpose. Let’s see what makes it work or rather how it works.

To learn anything totally new or to develop any talent/skill we must get to the basics. Because all successful people are strong at basics and hence they are successful. Taking Self Confidence to the basics; self confidence stands tall on two pillars: Self-Respect and Self-Esteem.

Self Confidence is an outcome of Self-Esteem and Self-Respect, more accurately Self-Confidence is directly proportional to both i.e. better Self Esteem & better Self Respect yields more confidence.

Self Esteem is simply a feeling of pride in oneself or a quality of being worthy of respect. This makes it clear that to be more accurate; to have better Self Esteem one must be worthy of respect. Looking at the bigger picture for better self confidence, one must have better self esteem and for better self esteem one must be ‘worthy’ of self respect.

‘Being worthy’ is not expecting respect, but proving oneself to be worthy of respect and it all starts with one’s own self. If a person has respect for one’s own self only then others will respect. In other words, if you sell yourself short, people will naturally take you for granted and you lose respect.        A simple ground rule: If you cannot respect yourself, how can you expect respect from others?

Self Respect for one’s own self can be amplified by looking into and listing down things one is better at. This listing exercise itself will give a big boost to the limited thinking of selling oneself short.

To begin with Self-Esteem list down your strengths, what things you are good at? In what domain/skill/occasions are you an expert? The answers to these questions will give you a better feel. This ‘better feel’ is not just to make you ‘feel’ better; but it is to realize that you have the capabilities, expertise which you were not aware of earlier due to your limited thinking.

The ‘feel better’ exercise will boost up your self-esteem; you’ll realize that your understanding shifts from ‘I’m not that great’ to ‘Wow, I’m that capable!!!’

The upgraded Self-Esteem will in turn boost your self-respect. Because earlier you were not sure about your capabilities, but now that you are, you’ll have respect for your own self. Loaded with these upgraded Self-Esteem and Self-Respect, you’ll observe that Self-Confidence comes as a by-product.

Self-Confidence cannot be gained through some mental exercises, it helps no doubt about it but it’s not sustainable. Self – exploration and readiness to change own self from inside is what matters!!!


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Is Change Constant ?

Posted on February 3, 2012. Filed under: Self-Investment |

Is  Change  Constant ?

Yes, change is the only constant thing. One might think the words itself are contradictory ‘change’ & ‘constant’ but people seem to ‘know’ this proverb very well. It is so because people just ‘seem to know’ but very few people actually know what it means and probably 10% of them accept that ‘change’. Change is Constant has a very wide array of association it may pertain to changing person’s behavior, person as a whole, society, environment etc… So one might wonder what’s the big deal then, if everything’s changing.  The thing is that we fail to understand the gist of anything that is simple yet powerful, it’s like Cybernetics (a science of learning from nature) simple & powerful still people fail to understand it and take it for granted.

The ‘change’ is a pointer to changing one’s own self from the inside, because outside there are limitations whereas you have almost infinite options to change inside. The internal change is very much visible on the outside. People tend to work on the periphery of any problem rather than hitting hard on the core of it. Problems are never solved by beating around the bushes; they’ve to be tackled in a right way. People’s limited understanding regarding this profound truth is stuck on the outside. Change is generally perceived as changing their wardrobe, phone or maybe car/bike; failing to understand that the ‘change’ must come from within. Some people do realize the depth of ‘change is constant’ but for them it ‘seems’ very hard to change one’s own self from within. This ‘seems’ is our perception which makes anything hard or easy and the perception is up to us, we can alter it ourselves, if we wish to.

Still why this ‘changing from within’ appears to be difficult or rather impossible. It is our rigidity and our ‘I am perfect’ attitude that hinders that change and in turn our growth as an individual. We often see people saying ‘why should I change’, ‘why can’t he/she change’; this very rigidness makes the change apparently difficult.

One must learn from nature. Flowing water does not whine about the stone/boulders in its path rather is takes its own course and smoothly flows from the sides. Roots of the trees don’t fight with the stones in their path of search for water in the soil rather they curl around it and continue their search. Likewise one must be open to change and things automatically start falling in their places, one need not slog for it. Once an individual gets the key that change in inevitable, one can understand all of ‘how to change life’ and ‘how to be happy’ realities.

One might even wonder why to change, which is a very valid query. Almost every other person in the world has relationship issues that can be at workplace and/or in personal life viz… Family and spouse. Any two people who have altercation every fortnight maybe with the same reason or different, if one of them does not respond in the usual (harsh) tone the other person automatically calms down. If one decides to change and not argue with the same person then he/she will notice that previously it was just foolish to argue. This is the change, internal; not external. Change is constant in other words mean ‘Be open to uncertainty’. If one is flexible and is ready to accept whatever comes in the way. Also is not entangled between desires, core belief system and other mind blockages; the realization dawns that everything happens for a reason and that is for our betterment. Its nature way or say creator’s way of making us flexible. Like death, our whole life in its entirety is uncertain, one must not waste time in getting bruised in life by our rigidness rather be flexible, accept change and move to excellence. Be open, understand and analyze every situation that makes you uncomfortable; then you’ll be able to decode the reason why you were put into that situation. With this attitude life is bound to reward you.

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